Fashion

I love fashion. The ideas, colours, textures, opportunities for self expression...the whole medium appeals to me for its creativity and frivolity. But while I may enjoy the drama of design, my low bullshit tolerance keeps me critical of the fashion world, and my practicality (and frugality) make me unwilling and unable to buy into much of what it's trying to sell me.

For example, when I hear billionaire designers pontificating about their importance in the world, I can't help but laugh. Bitch, please - designing clothes mass-produced under horrifying conditions in off-shore sweatshops is not exactly Mother Teresa-eque behaviour. Kindly remove your head from your ass and get on with your day.

But, here's the obvious issue with that reaction: As someone who wears clothes everyday - sometimes even more than one outfit - I am an active participant in the process. Having not yet mastered the ability to make my own clothes, I do need those self-important virtuosos to (literally) cover my ass.


I love to invest in quality vintage and/or classic pieces I can easily see myself using over and over again for decades to come. But when I talk about "investing," I'm not talking about throwing down the kind of money for a handbag that I did for tuition. (FYI - a $20,000 Birkin bag is more than I paid for my university education at a world-class institution, a fact which turns my stomach. I hope it turns yours, too.)

The most expensive piece of clothing I own cost less than $300 (on super-duper sale), while the most expensive piece of jewellery I own cost $400 (and is worth about $100-200 more). To me, those sums still represent a TON of money and major splurges, but in the (developed) world of fashion, they're a drop in the bucket.

Why?

I am continually shocked and appalled by what some people are willing to spend on their "wants," and the justifications they offer when so doing. (Which, I believe, speaks to the idea that deep down, they know they're not making the best possible choice.) The argument I find particularly disturbing in this regard is when someone claims to "deserve" some item which is clearly inconsequential to their daily survival.

How, exactly, do you come to "deserve" a $20,000 handbag? What are the criteria employed in determining whether someone "deserves" an item of such grandiose expense?

For those of you out there who feel you "deserve" a $20,000 handbag, how would you make a determination as to what others in this world "deserve" as compared to you? For example, is a single parent who works two jobs to support their kids but still can't make ends meet less deserving than you are of owning something s/he really desires? What about the 9-months-pregnant mother in rural Rwanda who's out in the fields working from dawn to dusk just to put some food on the table? (If you think the latter is simply a made-up example to tug at your heartstrings and underscore my point, trust me, she's not - I've seen her firsthand.)

How can anyone look at those examples and think they aren't deserving of some luxury and self-indulgence? And yet, you will never see them storming the counter of Hermès!

Fashion is fun. But when serious money is thrown down to simply keep you from walking around naked, I think we'd do well to remember how many people in this world could benefit from some help.

Don't they deserve it?

Celebrity Gossip & Reality TV

My interest in the antics of stars and starlets (and total wannabees) began when I moved to the mecca of all things celebrity, the United States of America. Prior to that, I think I had a healthy level of knowledge about actors - mostly what country they were from, and what projects they had worked on over the course of their careers. I guess I also had a handle on who the hot celebrity couples were, because that knowledge was simply unavoidable.

Things changed when I moved to the States. I blame boredom, really. I went to graduate school in a really small town in the middle of the rural Midwest - my own personal hell. I love nature, but this was not summer camp or a nice holiday. The bottom line is this: If I have to live somewhere for an extended period of time (i.e. a year or more), it has to be urban. That's just who I am. 

I've previously mentioned that my grad program was also very small, so I saw a LOT of my classmates. That was cool for the most part, but I also needed an escape of my own - a quiet place to retreat to and just veg out. Sadly, I found myself plopped down on the couch in front E! and Style. If you had said the name "Ryan Seacrest" to me in June of 2006, I would have had absolutely no idea who you were talking about. Now I know all kinds of random shit about the guy, as well as many of his colleagues. Why? I don't care about any of them; they've not enriched my life in one single way. And yet...this is where I am.

I don't remember which reality TV show sucked me in first. It might have been The Hills. I think I was turned onto it by some American friends, and we used to watch it together and laugh. That felt ok - we weren't engaging with the characters, we were making fun of them. Totally safe. Right? Wrong. The Hills was like a gateway drug for The City, and then Kell on Earth. One spin off begat the next spin off. At some point I became aware of the Real Housewives franchise, and became a fan of the New York crew. Sure, they were superficial and ridiculous, but at least they had jobs. Well, for the most part - I still don't understand what the "Countess" does all day (other than look down on other people). RHONYC led to Bethenny Getting Married? And Bethenny Ever After. I also started watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I don't watch all of the others on a regular basis, but I have definitely seen an episode or two of them all (except the Orange County one - I can't stand the look of those gals. It's like Madam Tussauds come to life. Yeck).

Are you nauseous yet? It gets worse. E! News. I used to watch E! News followed by The Daily 10 before it was axed and E! News went to a 60-minute format. Fashion Police. (I looooooove Joan Rivers.) How Do I Look? Ohhhh - What Not to Wear. THAT I have been watching FOREVER and will never give up. I even watch the original British version (which may be the only example I can think of in regards to something the Yanks stole and actually made BETTER). What else...Project Runway, another fabulous show I will always love. The Voice. X Factor (which I may never watch again, but we'll see). An Idiot Abroad. It goes on.

The only redeeming thing about my reality show tendencies (if there is one at all) is that I do have standards.  NO Kardashians (YUCK!!!), Jersey Shore (thoroughly disgusting), Celebrity Rehab, or people eating disgusting things.

Moving to Australia has been very helpful in breaking these addictions, I must say. We just get the basic television channels, and none of them broadcast this shit. Excellent. But, now I'm completely obsessed with My Kitchen Rules, and can't wait for the next season of The Block to begin. One thing for another...

One thing I haven't given up since moving here, and which is directly related to my time in the States, is celebrity gossip. Sure, most people glance at the headlines when they're waiting in line at the shops, or maybe even pop open the cover and have a browse, but when you find yourself looking at each mag disdainfully because their hot new headline is SO three days ago, you know you have a problem.

This I can trace back to a single person. He encouraged me to start reading people.com, etc. I'm not sure how, but at some point I discovered thesuperficial.com, which I still find wildly entertaining. But really, this obsession has to stop.

It used to be all in good fun. It's "light" news - completely frivolous, a nice escape from the doom and gloom of the real news (which, as a journalist, I follow daily). But then I noticed that some of these sites were allowing readers to leave comments (as has become the standard for legitimate news items as well), and I discovered how truly shocking and depraved people in the first world are. The comments are unfailingly negative, and just dripping with malice. Even something as light as a pregnancy announcement is seen as fair game for viscous attack. It really brings out the worst in people.

A logical person would just stop reading the comments. But I can't. It's too tempting. Especially when it's a story about someone I really can't stand (Jessica Simpson, the Kardashians, Paris Hilton, etc.). I LOVED what Jon Hamm had to say about "fucking idiots" being rewarded in America's celebrity-obsessed society. I couldn't agree more!! And yet, I'm part of the problem because I watch the shows and go to the websites. I'm a willing contributor to something I claim to hate!

The bottom line is, "celebrity" gossip used to be a fun and light activity to engage in, but now it's crossed the line. It seems mean now, and that's the last thing I need/want in my life. So while Facebook and Pinterest can stay, I think this is an area of my personal inventory which needs a serious overhaul.

What are your online vices, and what do they really bring to your life? Is there anything you really feel it's time to let go of?

Pinterest: The Ultimate TimeSuck

I've been on Pinterest for three or four weeks now. My obsession was instantaneous. What can I say - it came along at a time when I've found myself with fuck all to do, and a stable Internet connection.

I didn't really understand it at first, despite my friend's explanation. She was right about one thing, however - once you start, it's hard to stop.

Here's why I feel it's a benefit to me: I've learned an incredible amount in a short period of time. It's really incredible to see what other people have come up with to address problems/make life easier. It's inspiring. I'm really enjoying being a part of a community which shares ideas in a positive way. Is there a lot of stuff on there with absolutely no relevance to my life? You bet. But there's also a lot of great stuff I never would have thought of on my own.

I think one of the major benefits of Pinterest in our current situation is that we're right on the verge of setting up our lives. We don't own pots and pans, dishes, storage containers, furniture, or even hangers for our closets. We have clothing. My partner has thousands of records and an Ikea bookshelf to house them. I just bought an Ikea bookshelf of my own for shoes and handbags. But that's really it, save some paintings from Uganda and Egypt, some painted tin and carved wooden animals from Botswana, Zimbabwe, Malawi, Kenya and Rwanda, and a blanket and some light fixtures from Morocco. (All of which fit into a single box.) We have two sets of sheets in different sizes, but no bed.

Basically, we're starting from scratch. So, unlike 99% of users who seem pretty settled in, we have the opportunity to do whatever we want...within reason, and according to our budget. But that's one of the beautiful things about Pinterest - there seems to be a DIY element to EVERYTHING! It's a frugalistas dream come true.

An unexpected benefit of Pinterest is that it has significantly reduced my desire to purchase things. I believe I've mentioned previously that I absolutely love fashion, so to me, it would be a logical reaction to want to shop more when part of a network in which people can post photos of their favourite clothing and accessories. But I've actually found the opposite to be true. I feel thoroughly satisfied just to look at what's out there. It's like window shopping on speed - you're inundated with new looks and ideas which you can quickly skim through. But there's no end. The pins just keep coming in from all over the world, day and night, and you can look at as many or as few as you like. Brilliant.

So, I think my online Pinterest addiction has been helpful thus far. It's given me lots of ideas I'm planning to implement as we set up house, and it's curtailed my urge to shop. It's not taking time away from things I should be doing, yet it's helping to pass the time as we await the next step. I find it a lot more fulfilling than some of my other online vices (which I'll discuss next), and it's a thoroughly positive experience. I'm learning. It stimulates my brain.

I just hope I'll be able to go cold turkey once the new job begins. ;)

Facebook: Friend, or Foe?

What is it about Facebook that keeps me coming back for more? I honestly don't know. There's an element of exposure Facebook creates which makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don't want the whole world up in my business...and yet, I want to be able to share photos and memories with people who matter to me.

I think the "mattering" element is the hardest for me where social media is concerned. When I first logged on to Facebook (immediately following my last exam as an undergraduate), it was all about adding everyone I had ever known in my entire life. People who disappeared after elementary school, old teachers, people I knew from various summer camps and activities, random people I'd met one time at the bar or through friends. The only criteria I had was that I actually had to know the person - no accepted friend requests from complete strangers here!

From the beginning I wasn't really worried about the Facebook phenom because I didn't have anything to hide. Having worked in leadership positions all through university, I wasn't stupid enough to post anything scandalous, or to put myself in situations where something I said or did would be newsworthy within my Facebook circle. I believe one of the major contributing factors to my generally positive experience with Facebook is the simple fact of when I signed on - after undergrad was already finished. The work was done, the hard yards were over - everyone was excited for summer and the next chapter beyond. Facebook became a way to keep our tight-knit community alive as several of my close friends and I left Canada in search of new adventures. It helped us keep track of each other, and reminded us that no matter where we were in the world, there were people who were invested in us. Ah, the good old days. I feel for my younger cousins who - along with their friends - seem to use Facebook solely as a means to perpetuate cruelty and gossip. The things they say to each other - and the appalling lack of spelling and grammar employed in so doing - are truly disgusting. It makes me wonder if kids these days even understand what it means to have friends! From what I've seen, Facebook has been detrimental to the junior high/high school experience, because it does nothing more than allow gossip to travel at rates previously unheard of. And with pictures. It's just so messy and needlessly cruel...I really loathe it.


In grad school, Facebook became a constant in my life. I was living in the States, 15 or more hours away from my family, and missing Canada terribly. Being stuck in an uber conservative, impossibly small town was killing me, but when I was on Facebook, I felt like I was back in the big city with all of my friends. In my new reality, being able to create events and invite people en masse was incredibly helpful. No more calling around to make sure everyone knew the plan - everyone was on their Facebook 24/7, so that became the easiest way to communicate to multiple people at once. Unfortunately, the euphoria of Facebook as a great means of communication soon began to dissipate as I began to discover the inevitable obligations and expectations of putting your friendships in the public realm. This is the crux of why I have come to hate Facebook.

I am not a person who believes we are meant to keep every single friend we ever make. In the normal course of life (prior to social media applications like Facebook), it was natural to part ways with people as your lives went in different directions. When you stopped having things to talk about, you stopped talking. You both moved forward, made other friends, and lived your lives. No hard feelings.

Not so with Facebook.

At the height of my "friending" on Facebook, I had over 1,000 peeps, all of whom I legitimately knew. (Trust me - I had details listed for each one, and as the ability to group people came into play, everyone was sorted into a category of some description.) Here's where things got tricky; while I did know every single person on my list, I didn't necessarily like every person on my list. Or, if that wasn't the case, maybe I knew someone but didn't think it was necessary to give them voyeuristic access to my innermost thoughts (status updates), romantic life, photos, and other friends. It got to the point where every time I went to post something, I felt like I was climbing up onto a stage in front of 1,000 people and yelling "Excuse me, everybody - I have something to say!" Now, if I had actually had to do that - go up onto a stage, I mean - in order to update my status, would I have done it? Fuck no. But ostensibly, that's what I was doing each time I completed the line "Audrey Maple is..."

The negative feelings I had about this felt counter-intuitive. I got Facebook to keep in touch with people I cared about and communicate my experience, but all of the sudden I felt like those people were judging everything I had to say. I literally felt like each status update was akin to someone shining a huge spotlight down on me. Who wants that stress and drama? Not me. The solution seemed simple enough. Give up Facebook? Hardly. Start deleting people!

With a few rare exceptions, the people I have deleted from my Facebook I genuinely like; they just aren't people I could see myself working to maintain a relationship with. (Which, ironically, is sort of what Facebook is all about anyway. How many people on your friend list do you actually communicate with in order to find out what they're up to? Probably not as many as you think. By catching someone's status updates and trolling their page/timeline, you can often find all of the information you're looking for, no conversation required) Before Facebook, we would have just gone our separate ways without issue. But now that everyone else can see how many friends you had and who they are, the process of adding and deleting people becomes another opportunity for unwarranted drama.

For example: my graduate school program was very small. I think there were 23 of us. We took all of the same classes together for two years, and many of us worked together as well. As I'm sure you can imagine, a small group like that, together so often, banished to a little shit town in the middle of nowhere...it was an awkward situation waiting to happen. But add to it the ability for people to know who was friends with whom and what everyone else was doing...that made things downright complicated. I personally felt obligated to have every member of the cohort on Facebook, whether I liked them or not, while we were in school together (if for no other reason than to avoid the drama other people would stir up). That sucked. I didn't want to be mean, rude, or exclusionary towards anyone, but I also didn't want people I didn't like/feel close to to have so much access to me. (Especially when there was at least one person in the group who was developing a reputation as someone who would use anything and everything she could to elevate herself above you in the eyes of authority.) Once we graduated, I started deleting the people I wasn't close with. But you know what? In the four years since we graduated, every time I have seen someone from the cohort I have been genuinely interested to hear what they've been up to and how they are. Now, isn't that better than having them on my Facebook out of some perverse sense of obligation?

Grad school was nothing compared to the complexities of Facebook in the professional working world. What do you do when your supervisor's supervisor, whom you really don't like (personally or professionally), wants to friend you on Facebook? I deny the request, but I certainly have friends and colleagues who don't (which also affects me because it adds an element of censorship to our interactions online which I'm not interested in). It also breeds drama because it makes it easier to catch people being deceitful, like when so and so calls in sick and then posts photos of her great day off at the beach. Or when a colleague constantly belittles someone to you but then outwardly praises them on Facebook. It makes me furious, and has actually caused several of my "real" friendships to end, not just those on Facebook. (I guess the upside is that at least I learned the truth before it happened to me. Still, not very satisfying.)

Another complicated element is the issue of your partner's friends. Some of my partner's friends have added me to Facebook, regardless of whether we've actually met. I appreciate the gesture, but I also think "Why?"  I don't like the feeling of obligation that comes with those requests. I don't want to be rude, but...we're not friends. And at this stage, my Facebook is reserved for my real friends and family; the people whom I make an effort to see (and vice versa). The people who have a vested interest in who I am and what I'm about. People who don't know me aren't invested in me. They may be invested in my partner, but not me. And you know what? That's ok!!! We're individuals - we don't have to have all of the same friends! Sure, it makes life easier if we all know each other and go out together, but in my experience, all of my partner's friends who have added me on Facebook have then proceeded to ignore me. What's the message there? I'm not into the illusion of frienship which has become so pervasive in our culture. We don't need to be friends with everyone - just respectful and polite to all. Let's keep Facebook for our real friends so it doesn't become another unwanted source of drama and stress in our lives. I shouldn't feel obligated to be "friends" with someone, and they shouldn't feel obligated to be "friends" with me. Let's just continue to live our lives...in peace.

So, that's why I now have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. Love it to keep in touch with family and friends oversees; hate feeling obligated to add/keep people who I'm really not close to. So, how does this factor into the personal inventory I'm undertaking with Every Last Feather? Simple: there is a real, valid reason why I stay on Facebook - it affords me the opportunity to keep in touch with people I love and care about in a quick and easy way. That's it. So, anything that stands in the way of my ability to achieve these outcomes has to go. For me, that means constantly, consciously inventorying my friend list, and really seriously considering the type of access I allow, and to whom. If I feel like I'm being judged, I ask myself why - is it because I'm saying/doing something I inherently know is wrong or unkind, or is it because I don't have the support of someone out there in Facebook land? If the latter, it's as simple as clicking a mouse. At the end of the day, I don't have the time or energy to devote to Facebook politics. I just want to get on with my life.

The "Crap List"

I've previously mentioned my affinity for financial guru Gail Vaz-Oxlade (bless her heart). In that vein, I came across a blog post she had written in January which I thought was incredibly insightful. Titled "Reduce Your Stress," Gail delves into a concept which she calls the "Crap List." Essentially, a CL is a personal inventory of the people and things in your life which cause you unneeded stress. We all have them. A friendship you've outgrown but can't quite relinquish, items of clothing in your closet that you never wear but can't seem to part with, an activity you really don't enjoy but feel obligated to continue...

Sound familiar?

There are other items to be added to the CL, too; personal qualities, bad habits. Chronic lateness. Smoking. Watching crappy TV. Wasting money. It all applies.

Take a few minutes to compile your basic list. (This will be ongoing - trust me.) Once that's done, the question to ask yourself is: what am I going to change in order to eliminate these stressors from my life? Notice the italicized I? Yup. This has to be about what you are willing to do, because as we're all aware at this point, we can't change anyone else. (Influence them by the way we interact and communicate with them, sure - we all need to learn to articulate our needs so that others understand what the criteria are for remaining in our lives.)

I think the number one item on my CL is social media. More specifically, that dreaded social experiment/obsession, Facebook. Let's tackle that one now, shall we?

No more excuses

A big international move is stressful business. Even more so, perhaps, when the move is followed immediately by an intense period of...nothing. That's where I/we've been since my arrival in Australia on February 2. I have a great new job lined up in a city we can't wait to live in, but, seeing as how I'm Canadian, I need that magical little visa in order to start. And, as I'm sure you can imagine, these visa things take time. Lots of time. So, after a great stretch of travel followed by catching up with the family in Canada, we've now ground to a complete halt whilst we await the next step of the paperwork mountain known as the visa process.

Now, in some ways this downtime could be seen as a dream. We have the time and space to exercise, write, read, explore new hobbies, see family...but here's the truth I've come to realise: when faced with the kind of time to just "be" that I had so longed for during the rough patches at work, I have swung from one extreme to the other. My "normal" state is somewhat manic - I thrive in situations where there is a lot going on and I'm forced to balance competing priorities. Left to my own devices, however, with no expectations or responsibilities...I'm pretty lazy. I don't have the drive/desire to go out and do the things I always thought I would if I had more time. I'm content to sit on the couch and watch the type of shit TV I always made fun of while living in North America. (i.e. Dr. Phil, The View, and Judge Judy. See - I told you it was shit.) Go figure.

At different stages in the last few months I've justified my behaviour (and/or, had others justify it to me). At first I was simply unwinding after five months of travelling the world. Then I was indulging in the laziness of the holidays with my family. Then I was just basking in the happiness of being reunited with my partner after several months apart. Then I was hiding from the heat (hello! +40C?! No thanks!). But now, faced with what could reasonably be another two months of unemployment as we await the processing of my work visa, enough is enough. Realistically, there are a lot of things I would like to be doing but can't because of the visa thing. These include moving to our new city and setting up our home (which we've yet to see); arranging for my life (in boxes) to be shipped here from Canada; unpacking the suitcases which made the initial trek here with me; and purchasing the items we need to live once we've vacated my mother-in-law's home. But here's the reality - there are elements of these things I CAN do right now, I just haven't forced myself to get up and do them. So, now that I've copped to this slovenly behaviour,  I know what I have to do. I'm going to start doing the work. Right now.

Scattered feathers

When I first started this blog I meant to update it on a regular basis. In the last month, however, I've been busy moving to the other side of the world, so it has kind of fallen by the wayside. Apologies - once the dust settles, I do hope to get back into a regular posting routine.